Over the years, a number of individuals--involved in life-threatening and death defying circumstances--have stood-out in their manner of describing the ordeals in which they were involved.
Using their wits in order to overcome adversity, these exemplary citizens demonstrate what makes America so incredibly wonderful and unique...also inspirational..baffling...and sometimes just simply eliciting the singular reaction--WTF.
All of the following real individuals appeared in various news reports detailing their heroism and individuality.
First, we have the beat boxing break-in victim who describes his ordeal in vivid lip-smacking detail!
Dave Rowe is quite possibly, "the greatest story teller of our generation" for giving us "that's that hiding bitch, ain't it".
Sweet Brown is perhaps the greatest, coining one of the most popular catchphrases of our time.
In a word--legendary.
Surfer Bro Micah Peasley told us exactly what it's like to get "so pitted" (ya know, reaching the point of no return). Hard to believe that this one is from 2002!
Charles Ramsey is the Cleveland hero who helped three kidnap victims escape their captor, while also providing us with, "You got some big testicles to pull this off, Bro", and "I BBQ with this dude" and "we eat ribs".
Plus, he managed to encapsulate our county's struggles with racism and bigotry....
The legendary Antoine Dodson is another great American original.
His 2010 interview changed his life, making him a viral sensation as well as the inspiration behind the hit, "Bed Intruder Song".
Kai the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker is an absolute classic.
Back in 2013, Caleb Lawrence McGillvary was interviewed by a reporter from TV station KMPH following an assault on woman by a man with whom he'd been travelling.
Kai is in prison awaiting trial for murder related to an entirely different case.
The report below is NSFW. Let us repeat...THIS IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK.
Another classic..."he had beautiful hair"...