MOVIE REVIEW: Vincent Reviews "Dunkirk"

Intro/ Summary: 

I saw the Dunkirk at Maya Cinemas in Pittsburg, California on Saturday afternoon.

During WW2, 400k British and French soldiers are trapped on a beach surrounded by the Germans. 

They're waiting to be killed by German aircraft dropping bombs on them WHILE AT THE SAME TIME praying for the British navy to come rescue them.

My tagline: It's Memento meets Das Boot.

No Dunkirk is not about Captain Kirk finishing something.

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Cons:

There are A LOT of things to love about Dunkirk, but also a lot of things to hate.

Christopher Nolan DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO END A FREAKING MOVIE. He just cannot. See Dark Knight Rises, Inception, Interstellar, and now Dunkirk. Dunkirk could have been 20+ minutes shorter. I am not kidding.

When the British boats FINALLY arrive at the beach (SPOILER ALERT), the movie should have ended right there! THE END. Cue the credits.

Nolan messing with the timeline IS SO FREAKING ANNOYING. It's confusing, bizarre, and unnecessary. Give me a linear narrative, broseph!

Nolan sets up Dunkirk in 3 parts: Land, Sea, and Air. THE AIR AND THE SEA PARTS ARE GRATUITOUS, DISPOSABLE AND BORING. 

The air part is the most pointless. The jet fights go on and on and on. 

At first it's cool to see Nolan film a WW2 airplane fight. But it goes on.. and on.. and on. I'm talking Hardy fires ammo at another plane and misses.. more ammo firing.. another miss.. more ammo.. miss again. WTF. And it is neverending. I felt like I was playing Flight Simulator from 1997.

Tom Hardy is wasted here. WASTED. Hardy, wearing an old-fashioned pilot mask, is difficult to understand THE ENTIRE FREAKING MOVIE. He is absolutely unintelligible. It is infuriating.

Hardy also played Bane and wore a mask in The Dark Night Rises. Another Nolan flick. Bane was also difficult to understand. Sup wif dat?

Kenneth Branagh is also boring. He stands on a pier talking with his commander guys about what's going on the entire movie. Weak. Blah blah blah. A snoozefest.

The music sucked. I'm talking about the same note played loud AF over and and over over again. Hans Zimmer needs to retire. Go lift weights with Franz.

Too many characters. Too many stories. Too much plot. It's all so dizzying. Nolan has become something of a commercially successful Terrence Malick. (If you don't know who that is, that was a sophisticated film buff reference, ya dummy.)

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Pros:

Regardless of all the bashing, Nolan is an extremely talented filmmaker at the top of his game. Even though there are a myriad of problems with Dunkirk, the entire time you feel like you are watching something special.

Nolan really does catch the horror, terror, and gravity that these young men faced in their dire situation.

One Directions' Harry Styles gives the best performance in the movie. He is fantastic. And he made love to Taylor Swift, dontchaknow?!

You can feel Nolan's ambition. He tried. And damn it give me Nolan trying his best over the new Marvel superhero crapfest ANY DAY.

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Conclusion:

I give Dunkirk a strong 6 out of 10.

Dunkirk is a mess and a marvel. But ultimately it's a film that should be watched. So go see it. Or don't. I don't care. You're an adult. Make your own decisions. Do whatever you want. You do you, brah.

Sincerely,

I'm Vincent Nicholas, The Indifferent Film Critic

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Visuals: 

Now here are some photographs.

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Now here are some other Snapchats from my fabulous weekend.

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Thank you for reading my movie review and looking at my Snaps. I hope you have a wonderful day.

Love, 

Vincent

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