MOVIE REVIEW: Vincent Reviews "Beauty and the Beast (2017)"

Vincent Reviews "Beauty and the Beast" (2017)

Some thoughts..

Disney promotes beastiality, that's my headline.


Hermoine I mean Belle really loves books and is all into the reading. She's all pro-literacy teaching other womenz to read n what not. 

Let me tell you, I can read pretty good, and it's not all it's cracked up to be. Ends up just taking up a bunch of your time.


It ain't so bad being a beast. You see giant horns coming out of the top of his head, I see the new man bun!

The Beast must totally lift. Great shoulders. Lots of lateral raises I'm guessin. 

Sure the beast has giant fangs, but all the more better to rip into those well-done steaks, amirite?!

The only problem I'd have being the beast is the amount of body hair. I'd be getting a wax every 6 hours.


There are minorities cast in some roles in this iteration of Beauty. There were none in the 1991 classic. But Steve Bannon will take us back to that glorious time. Making Fairy Tales Great Again!

Lots of controversy about Olaf I mean LeFou's big "gay moment." That moment was so not gay! He dances with a dude for 2 seconds in a big ballroom dance scene. Please. Old episodes of Doogie Howser MD are more gay than this movie ever dares to be. You remember how Doog used to look at Vinnie!

Emma Thompson and Kevin Kline are in this and they're now both old. I'm old. You're old. And we're all slowly dying.


The Beast is all CGI. Which was fine, but I woulda preferred a real life costume. 

There's lots of singing and dancing and singing and dancing and dancing and singing.

There is a lack of gravity, scope, and peril.

Hermoine is fine. She's an okay singer.


The moral of the story here is: Don't judge people by their looks. Unless they're TRULY detestable, then judge away. They ain't gonna turn you into no beast.


The movie is good. Not great or memorable, but a solid flick. 

Chicks will dig it WAY MORE than dudes but whatever.

If you're looking for wonder and enchantment, go see Beauty and the Beast! Or don't. I don't care. You're an adult. Make your own decisions. Why do you care what I think? I don't care what you think. 


1 thing of note is that in the 1991 animated version, outside of Angela Lansbury, there were no big name actors in it. Nowadays they can't cram enough super famous celebs into movie cartoons.


Oh and I saw a movie preview for Despicable Me 3 which means those annoying yellow minion tossers will be everywhere this summer. They can't even speak English!

And a preview for the horrible looking comedy Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul which stars Alicia Silverstone as a mom. Cher from Clueless plays a mom! Once again, we're all old and dying.


Sending you all LOVE and LIGHT, 


Now here are a bunch of pics of when The Fair Rebecca and I went to watch Beauty

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